Yes, I know this is a cooking blog. However, the fact of the matter is that a large percentage of you are parents, aunts, grandmothers, or friends. And every now and again, I think it is important that you hear from the moms that run this site – the ones that have issues and challenges just like you! And not just the kind where yeast doesn’t rise. Today is a heartfelt post from one of our staff, Lisa, about dealing with bullying at school.
Hang on to your laptops. I am deviating from my normal food posts today to share something that is near and dear to my heart. Sometimes as moms we find it difficult to share our children’s issues, problems, and struggles. Mainly because we think it reveals that we are inferior parents or that we have done something horribly wrong in raising our kids. Crazy! Because when I hear a story of another mom’s struggles that line up so well with what I am going through, I feel such a HUGE sigh of relief. So, stepping out in faith today, I am going to share a little bit of what our family has been struggling with this school year.
Bullying.
It is estimated that approximately 1 out of every 5 students is a victim of bullying. Once considered a childhood rite of passage, bullying is now recognized as a serious problem. As a parent, there is nothing more heart wrenching than listening to your child tell you about being bullied. First instinct, as a mom, is to wrap your arms around your child and make it all better; however, speaking from experience, this method proves ineffective with my 11 year old son.
Although he dearly loves his momma and we have a very close relationship, the hugs don’t help the hurt in this situation. As his parents, my husband and I have found the best thing is to empower him to handle the situation on his own. We offer comfort and support, as well as praise for being open and honest about the situation. Also, we let him know that he is not the problem, the bully is, and that he has the right to feel safe and secure at all times.
I admit, until this year I thought that it was the other kids that were going to be bullied and picked on, NOT mine. But as the year progressed, we started seeing a few of the tell tale signs. Poor performance at school, low self esteem, and the new onset self soothing habits (i.e.: noise making, low humming, talking to himself). As selfish as it seems, it felt like a blow to my parenting, to my ability to protect my child from the outside world. I was truly not ready, and very ill prepared to deal with this type of situation.
Thankfully, our son finds it very easy to talk openly with us about the situations that he finds himself in, and he is open to our suggestions and guidance. We have been working more closely with his teacher and school to monitor his performance, set daily goals for behavior and establish positive reinforcement for his “good” days.
I know what you are thinking “How am I, as a parent, to discern if my child is getting bullied or if it is just harmless teasing?” There is a definite difference between bullying and teasing. All children will be teased, it is just part of growing up. The concern is when it goes beyond the simple annoying and pestering of teasing, to the repeated, targeted actions of a bully.
What are the warning signs that your child may be a victim of bullying?
- Unexplained fear of going to school, extracurricular events, or riding the bus.
- Few (or loss of) friends or close contacts.
- Change in school performance.
- Trouble sleeping or eating.
- Headaches, stomach aches, or other physical complaints – not related to previous conditions.
- Damaged or missing clothing or other personal belongings.
What can you do as a parent if your child is being bullied?
- Stay Calm. Your child is watching and learning from you. Respond instead of react. Ask your child questions to determine who is involved, when it occurred, and what has happened. Make sure you listen to the entire story before forming a response.
- Ask what your child’s actions were. Did they do anything to get help, such as tell an adult or stand up to the person upsetting them? Did anyone else see the situation?
- Contact other adults in charge. If your child tells you this is a repeated act, then make sure you contact and discuss the incidents with their teacher(s) and school to help solve the problem.
- Give your child reasonable advice. Don’t encourage your child to fight back, as it is likely to make bullying increase.
Children who are bullied have higher rates of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other mental conditions. Some of these conditions will even last well into adulthood. Schools are now taking a stronger and more proactive stance against bullying, and most have implemented some type of a bullying education into their curriculum.
My prayer is that through the struggles, my son will always feel safe and secure in our home. That he will feel empowered to stand up to those who try to bring him down. And that the foundation we are setting for him will continue to strengthen him, and help him be the successful, amazing young man that we know he is.